My mother left for Florida, for three weeks of warm air and sunshine. Mom's been with Kajal and I since the first day we met.. in India, two months ago. Wow... it's been two months already since we met, just over six weeks since we came home. It blows my mind. I was more than a little worried about what the separation would do for Kajal... I've read all the books, talked to the social workers, read the online articles. Separation anxiety is high in many children but in adopted children, especially those adopted at an older age from orphanages, anxiety is putting it mildly. I knew there was a good chance that my moms leaving could trigger some abandonment issues for Kajal, but I wasn't sure how those issues would manifest. It started at the airport. We were able to take my mother all the way up to the gate and say good bye. I showed Kajal the airplane she was boarding and explained for the umteenth time that Grandma was only going away for a few weeks and she would be back... in time for Kajal's first birthday celebration. She seemed fine... the excitement of the airport seemed to overshadow my mother's leaving. Phew! I thought... this isn't going to be so bad. We made our way to one of the airports restaurants and had some breakfast burrito's (we had woken up at 5:30 AM, left the house by 6:30 AM) then purchased some Dora and Diego  toys at the closest store. A little diversion couldn't hurt, right? The closer we got to the exit of the aiport the reality began to set in... Kajal was confused. Why were we leaving without Grandma? I had her coat after all, (mom had given me her coat to leave in Boston until her return) Grandma needs her coat... then Kajal proceeded to look at every airport bus, every car.. every person with short blonde hair. She looked around in confusion with quiet desperation. Her anxiety and sadness continued to grow... in a silent way...the worst. She held my hand in the cab ride back to the city and when we pulled up she looked at Grandma's apartment (next door to our building) and asked ... Grandma sleeping? No, I explained, she was on vacation.. but she would be back. I kept telling her that we were her forever family now. Forever and ever. But she just looked at me in confusion, grief and acceptance outlined on her teeny face.

The last few weeks it seems a night doesn't go by where Kajal doesn't ask in some way, when Grandma and I are taking her back to India. Every time, I tell her.... we're never taking her back. We're family forever. To a child who has known nothing but loss... nothing but abandonment... this is all she knows. People leave. What I didn't expect over the next few days, was the acceptance. Although she's talked to her Grandmother on the phone and even drew her a picture... I can see in the way she talks about her absence that she just won't believe it, until the day she comes back. Then, at least, we'll be able to teach her a new lesson. The most important one, that our family isn't going anywhere. That we really are her forever family and we will always... come back.
Hanging out with Grandma before taking her to the airport