All Kajal wanted for her birthday, really wanted... was a heart locket. She had seen me wearing one with a picture of her in it and told me that she wanted one with a picture of me on one side and a picture of my mother on the other. I had told her I wore my locket to keep her close to me, with me always until I brought her home from India. She told me she wanted to keep me and her grandmother with her too... I found her a pretty little silver one that I gave her on her birthday... she loved it, but the clasp broke within 24 hours. She couldn't stop opening it and it just wasn't made for little fingers. She was so sad. I ordered another, bigger, stronger one (at her request) one designed to stand up to little girls and I gave it to her when she came home from school today. She was so happy, she kissed it. We went out to walk Logan and play with the other neighborhood dogs, Kajal with her pink Scooter. We have a great neighborhood. Every night around 6 pm, many dog owners from the area come out to the park in front of our house and let the dogs run. We catch up with one another and watch our furry ones romp and play. The group has been amazingly kind and loving toward Kajal who is the only child in the group. Kajal proudly showed off her new locket and raced around on her scooter with the locket hanging open... she couldn't bring herself to close it, instead, kept grabbing it and gazing at the pictures chanting... my momma, my grandma.

She's back sleeping in my room... she tries to go to sleep in her own room but after an hour or so asks to climb into my bed.

I tuck her in and sing my little lullaby to her. She asked me to tell her a story tonight... her story. She curls up in my arms and I start... several years ago I was wondering if I would ever be a mom, so I prayed to God to give me a sign, to let me know if motherhood was something in my future and that night I had a dream, of a little girl with brown skin and beautiful black eyes..." I tell her the story of going to the adoption agency, of filling out 100's of forms, of seeing her face for the first time and asking the picture... do you want me to be your Mother. We laugh and giggle. As I get to the part about India and our first night in the hotel together she tells me she liked the hotel.

Mommy there was only one bed in the hotel.
That's right, Kajal and we shared it. You curled up and went to sleep in my arms for the first time and now you're home and you have your own bed.
I don't mind Mommy, I don't mind only having one bed, because then I'm with you and you can keep me safe.

There it is... those words. Those huge, massive, enormous little words. Thank God she believes in me, she knows and trusts that I will keep her safe. Tonight again, she fell asleep, curled up in my arms, head tucked under my chin, arms wrapped around me holding me tight. Not letting go. I relax, and assume most days that she feels safe... that by now, she truly knows she's safe.

Is she thinking about the nights in India when she wasn't... or is she just comforted now, knowing she is. Does she need to be in my bed to feel safe... is she afraid when she's in her room?

I can't help thinking about all of this and still... I'm so grateful. So incredibly grateful that she feels safe... with me.