I've been asked to tell the story of how we met, how Kajal and I found each other.

I tell Kajal the story every week or so, because truly, I think it's a miracle and no matter how tough the day might be, a miracle she'll always be, to me.

You may have already read an entry where I tell the story of how my path to adoption started with a dream. Well, it did. Literally.

The months leading up to my 40th birthday were full of fear and desperation. Desperation that I'd never be a mother, never meet the 'right' guy. One night when I was feeling incredibly lost and sad, I prayed to God. I begged him for a sign, a sign that I was going to be a mom. I remember telling him that it would be okay if that wasn't in the plan for me. I just wanted to know so that I could stop dreaming of something that wasn't meant to be.

That night I had a dream that even to this day is clear as can be. I was standing facing a little girl of Asian origin. I couldn't see her features but I saw her black hair and black eyes. She asked me if I was her mother and I told her that I was. I knelt down and held out my arms to her and as she ran into them I felt as if I'd given birth, I felt complete and unconditional love.

When I awoke that morning, I knew everything was going to be okay. I trusted the dream was a sign from God and that adoption was in my future, whatever else my life held.

I'll admit, for a few years I still held out for Mr. Right... assuming I'd take that path with 'him'. It never occurred to me to be a single mom but as the years crept by I found myself researching adoption as a single mother.

I attended an information session given by a local adoption agency. I even went through a program to adopt through foster care. I researched Ethiopia, Russia, Vietnam and India. Initially I had been told that as a single mother I couldn't adopt in India and I researched other programs. I was totally confused and unsure of where to turn, which path to take. I spoke one day with the Vicar from my church and she reminded me to follow my heart, to pray for guidance. She promised me I'd know which path to follow. Sure enough, I visited the adoption agency Maps in Boston and met with a woman who talked to me of the India program. She showed me pictures of some of the children she'd successfully placed. As she talked about the program I felt emotional, a sense of peace and 'rightness'.

Within a few days I started to remember all the signs that had been there all along. The times I'd seen women in Sari's and would cry like my heart was breaking, for no justifiable reason. The little Buddha one of my best friends had given me that she'd dipped in the Ganji river to help my dreams come true. Crazy signs, big and small that seemed to be there all along. And I knew. India... that's where my daughter was waiting for me. I joined the agency within a matter of weeks and told them I'd like to adopt a child between the ages of 3-5 (old enough to have little chance of adoption but young enough to believe in Santa Claus).

I couldn't explain it to anyone but I felt a sense of urgency. I worked every hour I could to save up for the costs of the adoption and in every remaining hour I filled out the hundreds of pages of complex paperwork. I raced through my homestudy as fast as I could and not 60 days after I joined the agency I received 'the call'.

Jenny Mills, the head of the India program for Maps was on the phone.  We believe we have a child for you, a young girl who has just been cleared for adoption, she told me. I was astounded. I hadn't even completed my home study yet, I wasn't even 'waiting' yet. She told me the little she knew and promised to overnight mail me the referral packet. The next day, I received her picture. I held her photo in my hands, her big eyes stared out at me, filled with trepidation and fear. Shock seemed to outline her features to me. I spoke out loud to her little face... is it me? Is it you? Do you want me to be your mother? I asked again and again, some part of me almost expecting her picture to speak to me, to tell me that she was indeed the child I'd been searching for. In my moments of blind terror and anxiety at the magnitude of the decision I was about to make an image flashed in my  mind. Literally, in my minds eye I had the image of a huge billboard, tacky as all get out with flashing lights and GOD spelled out in capital letters. Crazy, I know. But talk about a sign. This was the moment I'd always prayed for. She was mine.

I called the agency and accepted the referral, accepted Kajal as my daughter.

The months that followed were filled with preparation, love and all the stress that comes with becoming a first time mother as I waited for the courts in India to complete my guardianship and I plowed the more and more paperwork.  I received pictures of her during this time and sent gifts when I could. Most of which I found out later had not made it to her or she wasn't allowed to keep after the pictures of her receiving them were taken.

It was 11 months after I joined the adoption agency that I boarded a plan for India, almost nine months from the date I accepted her as my child.

I've been asked recently how we were matched, how we found each other. The best answer I can give is that I prayed like crazy for guidance, listened for answers and followed.... my heart.


Kajal in traditional India clothes for camp this morning