I'm going crazy. The last week we've been going steadily downhill. Let's just say that Kajal has gone from 'adoption is the best' to 'I want to go back to India and get another Mom' or 'Mom's are bad, I don't want one anymore'.

Yep, one of those weeks.

Now, I'm no fool. I get that the move (four weeks away) has got to be stirring up a lot of stuff. Never mind that we both just got over swine flu... yep, swine flu. Although Kajal has claimed to be excited about the move, sorting through her things, packing up boxes must be shaking her up. This is the only real home she's ever known (to our knowledge) and I know it has to be affecting her emotionally. Needless to say, we're in a rough patch. For the last four nights (or is it five) the night has ended with tantrums, rages and tears. If she can challenge me, she does. Ignore me, yep. Be rude, oh yeah. I'll give you an example... after the last three nights of total chaos I thought I'd pick Kajal up from camp and take her straight out for a picnic by some sprinklers she loves to play in. How could that go wrong, right? I just wanted to kick the weekend off on a positive note. When I picked her up and told her the plan she asked to stop off at home to pick up some water toys. No problem. Within minutes of getting home she complained she was hungry (I'd planned to pick up something to go for our picnic) and started digging around in the fridge. I offered to make her a sandwich which she promptly took to the couch to eat in front of the tv.

After countless spills of drink and food on the living room couch I'd recently told her no food or drink on the couch. I reminded her of the new rule and asked her to sit on the carpet in front of the tv. She refused. Glared at me and proceeded to take a bite (yes, still on the couch). I asked her again, calmly. She ignored me. Third time I asked and when she glared at me as she took a third bite I stood up, took the sandwich from her and walked into the kitchen. "Kajal, you can eat in here now, no tv and no sprinklers tonight" The picnic was canceled.

Her response, 'fine, I don't care about the sprinklers'. She proceeded to eat while glaring at me, food falling from her mouth onto the table and floor. I asked her to be more careful and she got worse. That developed into her telling me that I was boring, she didn't want to live in Boston and that I was a 'mean and bad' mom. Every time I tried to walk away to calm down she'd scream at the top of her lungs. Ouch. I swear, I thought I was going crazy.

This morning I had approached the idea of a 'star chart' with Kajal. She's used to me giving her the occasional gift or surprise and lately has become more 'demanding' about surprises, mad when she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it. Either that or she'll completely ignore me when I ask her to do something. I explained that if she was kind and respectful to me during the course of the day and did what I asked of her that she would get a star. When she had three stars she could get a prize (or $3 dollars to spend at CVS, an idea that works well for close friends of ours). Her response to me, no stars. I don't like that idea and I don't care if I ever get a star. Great, that went over well.

Last night we had been walking through the park. Kajal had approached a woman in the park who was hanging out with one of our neighbors and had roped her into playing ball with her. The woman played along but I could tell she'd reached her limit and really just wanted to hang out with her friend. I had taken Kajal for her favorite slush and on the way back through the park I asked Kajal to not throw the ball to the woman. I explained the woman was tired and had told Kajal that she didn't want to play anymore. I was very firm when Kajal argued with me and clear, do not throw the ball at this woman, we're headed home. As we walked by Kajal turned and threw the ball towards the woman, then smiled at me... what? I only threw it once.

I was so frustrated I walked past her silently to our door. We sat on the front steps quietly, me, fuming. Kajal, I don't appreciate you ignoring my requests and being so disrespectful. I know you know right from wrong. When you're in school, you always listen to the teacher and you do what she asks and you don't do what she tells you not to.

Why do you listen to your teacher Kajal?

Because I want a good grade, Mom.

Hm.

Well, what about wanting us to be happy? I asked her, if you continue to ignore my requests then we are going to continue to be unhappy. When you're rude and disrespectful, you get a consequence. That makes you unhappy, you cry or scream then I lose my patience with you and we're both unhappy. That's not fun. What can we do to make things better between us?

I know Mom, she said. I can listen to you. Watch, I know how to do it.  I'm going to start throwing the ball and you tell me to stop, see what I do.

So, she throws the ball and I ask her to stop, and she smiles and stops.

See mom, I can do it.

I'll be better Mommy, I'll listen to you.

And she did, for an hour or so and then the behavior started again.

Well, maybe we'll try the star chart again tomorrow.