Camp started this week... I have to admit, I was feeling a bit emotional. Leaving her somewhere new, with new caretakers.. .it still shakes me up a little. As I pack Kajal's lunch box I often try and sneak in a note or a little surprise. Most often a note written on a napkin telling her that I love her or that she's 'the best', something to boost her security and confidence during the day. First day of camp, just like the first day of school is always a big deal. We planned out her outfit the night before, packed the perfect lunch with the perfect snacks.. .went to sleep full of anticipation. This camp is really cool too... it's Camp Invention. It's just one week (her regular summer camp will start next week) and it focuses on creativity. The camp is unique in that it approaches learning in unique ways, it teaches "academic content like alternative energy, biomimicry (not sure what that is but I'm sure Kajal will tell me) environmental awareness and it also teaches them to think and solve problems creatively through creating and inventing different items" The program focuses on 'the process of problem solving and invention" it's not about the end product.  With Kajal, one of her challenges is her fear of making a mistake. If she's reading to me and stumbles on a word, it doesn't matter that it's a word she wouldn't learn until 3rd grade, if I help her she gets frustrated and disheartened at her lack of 'knowing'. She is so hard on herself, mistakes seem to mean failure to her, 'not being good enough' and she so easily will slip into hopelessness when she makes an error or doesn't comprehend something, or is corrected. She hates asking for help or asking questions but more often will sit silently beating herself up emotionally for not having the answer.

I was so excited because this program focuses on the wonder of mistakes, the learning behind making mistakes... invention is about trying things many different ways to arrive at different solutions. It literally seems to celebrate, making mistakes. How perfect! If Kajal walks away learning one thing this week, that making mistakes are truly the beginning of learning then we have received a tremendous gift and perhaps she'll be not only kinder to herself in the future but she throw herself into the creative process of 'learning' with joy vs. fear.

To prepare for camp, we needed to bring in an item that Kajal could take apart and then rebuild as something else or not rebuild, but just have fun figuring out. Sounds simple right? Find a broken item with lot's of cool gears and such inside that she can explore. Let's just say it was the night before camp and we still came up empty. The camp had asked that we identify our 'take apart' item five days before camp and take it apart to make sure she'd be able to while in camp. I tried an old phone first but once we took out the battery I couldn't figure out how else to take a part the phone. Then a neighbor was kind enough to give us a game cube system that had broken. We got that partially taken a part but then were stumped, we couldn't find any more screws to open it up to get inside further. Needless to say it was the night before camp and I was racing around looking for something to take apart that wasn't something I'd need in the future.

The problem with moving into a new home is we had already cleared away all of our 'broken' things. Hmmm... I ended up digging through some stuff my mother had in the garage that she'd had in storage and found a VHS recorder. My mother was travelling so I prayed she wouldn't be upset and considering we watch DVD's now I though, how much harm can it do. So at 8 PM the night before camp, Kajal and I are at the kitchen table trying to take out screws from this VHS recorder. I'm not very adept at mechanical things so it was a lot of trial and error but the results were great and Kajal ooohed and aahhhed when we got it open and the inside was full of complex machinery.

After dropping Kajal off for the day with her equipment I arrived home to hear the silence of the house. I knew I needed to start work but with Kajal at camp and my mother travelling the house just seemed 'too' quiet. I felt a little lonely and wondered if Kajal was having fun yet. As I walked through my home picking up a bit I found a note, written on a napkin on a living room table.

"I love you Mom! I will miss you! I love you"

The tears of love came. She had written it in the same marker I use to write her lunchbox notes and she'd written something I would have written to her myself.

Every day since, as I sneak a note into her lunchbox, Kajal leaves the house with a small smile on her face... knowing that she too, has left a note of love behind for me.